Total Ouran Randomness
by KanaShinichiro
Summary: I am teh Kotoko Minakoyoji. I meet Mr Blonde Pervert Dude, two of the same person, a guy with glasses and a laptop, a hyperactive bunny that's going to get diabetes, a moving wall with a face, and...I know that Fujioka is a girl. Oneshot.


I ish Kotoko Minakoyoji. I go to Ouran Academy.

"Okay class, a 9 page essay on the history of our ancestors," the teacher told us. Then she left the room.

Bitch.

The stupid people's groaning around me are giving me a headache.

"Hey, isn't that stupid? 9 pages? There's not even a lot about our ancestors."

Huh? Hitachiin? A popular kid? Talking to me? He sits in front of me, right?

Wait there was another one of him one seat from him. Whatever.

"Yeah, whatever...," I say. Crap. Why'd I say that?

Damn Oreo Blizzard's getting to my head.

"Umm...Minakoyoji-san? Helloo?"

A blurry thing goes back and forth in front of my face.

"GAH!" I slammed my hands desk and stood up.

"Uhh...uh?" Hitachiin's staring at me.

Oh. Drool on my face.

Great.

DROOL, YOU BASTARD.

"Sorry, what?" I ask and sit down.

"I said that you never talk much. You're the shy type aren't you?"

Am not.

"Uhh...I guess?"

Damn you, brain.

Oh look, two Hitachiins...

"Hey, Kaoru, picking up girls already? We're not even in the host club yet! Hahaha!"

Huh? Host Club?

PICKING UP GIRLS? ME? GIRL?

PSSH NAW.

Wait. I am a girl.

Damn giraffes.

"Umm...so you're Kaoru, " I pointed to the guy who sat next to me and had his hair parted to the right, "and you're Hikaru?" I pointed to the other guy who was standing and had his hair parted to the left.

"Yeah...how come I've never noticed you before? You've never come to the Host Club?" Left-hair guy asked me. His name's Hikaru, but I'd rather call him left-hair guy.

"Actually, I've never heard of a Host Club being at this school..." AND WHY? BECAUSE I SUCK, THAT'S WHY!

NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

"Hey, Hikaru-kun, Kaoru-kun! What are you guys still doing in here, it's time for us to get to the Host Club."

This girl...wait...guy...he-she? Crossdresser? Huh? Why's he-she coming here...?

"Ah, I'm sorry Minakoyoji-san. Were you talking to them?" People are talking to me? I'm breaking my record today.

"No problem at all, umm...Fujioka-san, right?" Must. Fight. Urge. To. Ask. Question.

"Yeah, umm, we need to go to the Host Club, so see you later, Minakoyoji-san." They're starting to leave.

NO. DON'T GOOO.

"Umm...excuse me, Fujioka-san?" Dammit.

I can't get my goddamn ass out of this now. Thanks a lot, ass.

"I have a question...Umm..." Stop beating around the bush! "...but it can wait later..."

"Okay...why don't you ask me after the host club activities?"

"O-okay..."

Why the hell are those two twins smirking at me?

AS GOD, I COMMAND YOU TWO TO--

Nevermind.

Huh...Third Music Room?

Look, they're opening the doors...and flower petals come out...and...

Hell no.

Flower petals?

Plant killers.

And...fangirls. ENEMIES.

"Hey, Tamaki-sempai, I hope you don't mind but I brought a guest," Yay he-she's talking for me!

"She's not going to designate anyone because she has some business with Haruhi later," Right-hair guy said.

"Oh, is that so?" Mr. Blonde Pervert is getting way too close.

EW.

"Then you can wait over there, ohime-sama," he was stroking my chin, too.

"Umm...thanks?"

IMMA PUNCH YOU IN THE ELBOW, FOO.

So this is what a host club is...they...host...

Duh.

Damn hormones. And pheromones. And something...-ones...

There was Mr. Blonde Pervert dude being...a pervert.

Then there was the right and left-haired guys.

Then there was the he-she.

Then there was a bunny with blonde hair who was sure to get diabetes.

Behind him was a moving wall with a face.

Then there's this geek dude who just sits at his laptop...

GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY HE'S LOOKING AT ME.

Uh...quick, think of something else, maybe he's pyscich or something...

Uhh uhh...

_I shine in with a haven't you people ever heard of_

_Closing the goddamn door, no!_

_It's much better to keep these kinds of things,_

_With a sense of poisoooooonnnn_

_Rationalityyyyyyyyy_

And I'm pretty sure those aren't the lyrics.

Oh, the girls are gone. Finally. I was starting to lose oxygen.

Well, everyone's gone but these really weird guys...

"Umm, Minakoyoji-san? What was it you wanted to ask me?"

I think he-she's the only normal person around here.

"Umm...what I wanted to know was..."

GAWD THEY'RE STARING AT ME

"Uhh...are you a girl or a boy?" Well, finally got that off my chest.

"Oh. Biologically, I'm a girl." Hm. A girl. Fair enough.

"O-ok...That's all I wanted to know. Sorry to disturb you." I bow and start to leave but something grabs my arm.

GAH. COW-SHAPED-ALIENS ARE ABDUCTING ME.

Oh it's just Mr Blonde Pervert Dude.

"Wait, you come to the Host Club asking if Haruhi is a girl, then you say ok? Doesn't it bother you at all?"

"Umm...no, not really..." LET GO OF MY ARM, FOO, I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOUR--

"Umm, sempai? What's so wrong about everyone knowing my gender?" Fujioka, you lifesaver.

Imma stop calling you a he-she now.

"Yeah but..." the right and left hair guys are talking. AT THE SAME TIME. "aren't you bothered by the fact that a girl's in a guy's uniform?"

"What's...what's so wrong with that? It totally looks good on her anyway..."

I. NEED. TO LEAVE.

Creepy idiots.

"So as long as she doesn't spill the secret, it will be okay. Right, Minakayoji-san?" Geeky dude was talking to me.

"Uh...y-yes..." What a weirdo.

"And judging by the fact that she could tell Haruhi was a girl says that she has great intuition, and won't tell anybody." He's still talking.

"Um...may I leave now?"

NEED.

TO.

USE.

BATHROOM.

"Yes, of course."

Phew...finally.

Wait, I'm being rude.

Okay, before leaving I must bow and say..."Sorry to disturb you."

Ahh...now it's over.

Now where's that goddamn bathroom...

* * *

Told in the view of my own character. I made her. So shut up. Well. That was fun. I suck at jokes though. Oh well. R&R. 


End file.
